I AM INSANE !!!!

I AM INSANE !!!!
Or is it because I am in pain.
I feel all dry as if it never rained,
I don’t know weather my condition is a boon or a Bain ?

There was once, when it was all pink and nice,
But now I am a victim of my own demise.

I have turned crazy and also so lazy,
All my thoughts now seem so hazy.

Nothing seems clear nothing seems right,
I am going through an eternal fight.

My mind and my actions do not collaborate ,
Only insanity is what I demonstrate !!

At times I get hyper at times I am sad,
If you see closely its all to bad.

My mind have stopped to think,
I have lost it to its brink .

I dream when I am awake but it all seems fake !!
My nights have turned sleepless,
Which makes me feel all the more helpless.
All my efforts to correct them turn baseless.

I feel I am totally lost ,
The damage have been done with a very high cost !!

I try very hard to be normal but there is no Gain !!

Off all I can think is that
AM I INSANE ???

AM i GAY??????

F-U-C-K is the only word I have to say,

I love a guy but I am not GAY.

I am telling this at the brightest part of day,

Only truth is hat I am going to say.

Love is blind it never does see,

Weather the other one is a ‘SHE’ or a ‘HE’

As all are equal in the eyes of ‘Thee’

So who the FUCK to distinguish are we.

Love never does see any boundary ,

It is all about making your sprits free

Rather then considering Gender,Caste,Creed to any degree

Thus only Gay and Lesbians see love as it should be,

As from all the bias their souls are free,

And only love is what they always see.

Thus my love for my friend is as pure as it can be,

Though we are not Gay but in love are surely ‘WE’

Thus FUCK I will say to how our relation do people see …..

Lines added by SID

Love’s depicted wrong in context

has nothing to do with sex

what matters is the attitude towards us

People claim things n crap fuss

i admit myself i am a gay

FUCK the world we'll ever stay

its a privilege to love a guy

that seems tuff but for us "a LULLABY"

its just a beginning to say

we'll last for long n our bride's will stay

we proud each other n say it open

we may be GAY for every reason

Though we are not Gay but in love are surely ‘WE’

Thus FUCK I will say to how our relation do people see …..

Changing lights

In the mid of a monsoon night,

I suffer from a lonely plight;

The world seems so rude to me ,

In this dying part of the night;

No one is near no one is dear,

I have to live alone in fear;

The pain within is so intense,

I don’t know what should I do hence;

My eyes search for some same old fun,

But it can find none;

The darkness of the night make it dull,

Seems as all around there is just lull;

And now as the sun start to rise,

I m cheering up to my surprise;

As the rays of the sunlight break,

Far away the dullness they take;

And here it’s a lovely morning,

I set out for the new day;

I hope to make new friends today,

So if the lonely night comes again, I have some one with me to share my pain.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

TIMES OF SADDNESS

Do not know what

Do not why

And also do not know where

Its like I m clueless about this life

Seems as if walking on a straight road with no turns and twists.

The monotony of life have made me empty .

I feel out of life ….and at times out of breath .

Its like a dead man walking for me,

Kind of a living zombie……..

My mind to seems to have got cultured this no,

It have stopped arguing, stopped reasoning

Stopped even thinking may be …..

Do not know what I m turning into

Ripples

....and one day suddenly the cool and calm sea of mind is disturbed by a small ripple originating from a small violent thought ....
leaving u astry.and suddenly the noise in your brain starts to increase to uncontrolable levels freaking u out u look for a vent ,some one to talk to hold on to But ! there is no one just no one .......
these uncontroable phases makes the Silent control different from that of the yogi's as the one they establish is more in control.They control their thoughts in it rather then the thoughts controlleing them as happens in loniness.
But! this is just a beging of it.with time the rebelling thoughts are less and ur mind lears how to react and control these rebelling thoughts and the states of trauma.with some time and control u start to get in total control.and enjoying the silence of the Mind.leaving it crystal for an enhanced thought process .
Hence forth what ever thought that seepes in your mind is nicely scanned and analysed before goin' further to be processed and u attain the strength to extrapolate the thoughts and reactions to the level of infinity.....
Your mind start toshow algorithms and 3 D models of all that u think amd hence ur creativity is enhanced to unknown levels.In simpler words u experience a all new brain power it beging able to control the thoughts and also capable of thinking to new levels all new heights...
This phase of loniless is like a boon in desguise .U become sharper and more creative all ur decisions are well versed ......
But thats not it there is much much more to it...

The Unseen World

............Finally when lonliness starts to take over you and your thoughts you see unknown things you imagine the unimaginary...
yous mind gets you into a whole new world of imagination wher just every thing under this sun is possible .
you learn to understand yourself better .its now that u are able to hear each word you spoke or the one that ever came up in your thoughts.things ,violations ,distractiveness... just every thing cames to a stnad still slowly.You move to the point wher the lake of thoughts is crystal n' clear making you view the treasures of the unknown world that were hidden inside the rebelling waters till day but now as your mind have come to a stand still these are being visible.
This is a pure state of bliss attained by many yogis after years of descipline but you reach it in the course of lonliness.But !! there truely is a difference....

The Begining

It all began when my life become a bit less busy from 100's and thousands of friends around i was left with no one around me .The ampale amount of free time started to rot me from within .......
Days passed by with no or little conversation with any one .some times books became my friends soon i was done with my whole library(which had just a few books though)
then caame the more tough time with nothing to do i stranded into a whole new phase of mental wurls .some thing totally different from the world that is present.
When you are lonely and alone its you imagination that keeps you going .
it was this imagination that was devloping in me now ....